| 2005-09-26 11:18:28 |
Claudia, found but lost for ever
|
Well, now we have the titmans perspective. Where does she buy her tee-shirts, the childrens section? The language was average (please never ever say 'love tunnel' again), the structure was OK, the plot left a little to be desired. All in all an OK story, for a 16 yo. |
| 2005-09-27 12:38:00 |
Claudia, found but lost for ever
|
Archaic sums it up fairly well. I suggest you return to the basics of storytelling. Work on characterization, plot development and descriptive language. That said, it's not a bad story--you could rewrite it by filling it out. Better yet, devote more time to your next story. Best of luck! |
| 2005-10-15 17:28:10 |
Claudia, found but lost for ever
|
Hey, hope you write more, you still have five days to cover.... I'm sure you can think up some great stuff.... keep them cummmmming. |
| 2005-09-17 14:45:13 |
Good times...
|
Improved writing Btw 18 to 14 is robbing the cradle everywhere cept maybe alabama a sequel is in order |
| 2005-09-18 11:07:26 |
Good times...
|
whats the whole story only got the beginning need the rest now |