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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2007-02-24 21:03:22 | Friendly Massage | easy to tell it was your first story. just a few things though. you said that victoria was a shy girl but then as they are walking home from the lake she completely opens up to the guy. its just out of charactar. apart from that, proof-read and develop the charactars a little more and you have got yourself one hell of a story. 7/10 |
| 2007-02-25 01:50:20 | Friendly Massage | Marvelous! As other have mentioned, syntax could use a little work, but semantically, it's very easy to follow. Just remember to proof-read (although with a story like this, you may get distracted!) The plot is lovely; it really lets you understand the characters, and the sex is kind, but dirty; the way sex should be. It's true that the first person's gender is a little ambiguous, but I don't think it matters. Actually, you might try re-writing it as a lesbian story! Anyway, it got me aroused, then all the way there; something most stories don't. So great job! 10/10 :) |
| 2007-02-25 02:15:57 | Friendly Massage | Shoot, I forgot to mention something: you said that victoria was a shy girl but then as they are walking home from the lake she completely opens up to the guy. its just out of charactar. This isn't necessarily true. Many people have trouble opening up in groups, but no problem in one-on-one interaction. She obviously has some chemistry with the guy, which makes it a lot easier :) |
| 2007-02-25 06:28:45 | Friendly Massage | Boring |
| 2007-02-25 19:09:43 | Friendly Massage | u said that she was a virgin so why didnt u mention u bursting her cherry... |