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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2007-03-08 00:37:00 | Overnight Sleepover | “She looks at the camera the whole time like she knows it’s there, even though I know she doesn’t.” The above sentence is somewhat convoluted and you have to read it several times to make a sense of it. Try and use the individuals name occasionally and not just, “She.” She takes off her pants first and she is wearing cute little green panties with a kitty on the front of them. Then she takes off her shirt and I quickly realize that she is not wearing her little bra that always makes me horny even when I see a strap. There she was in nothing except her little panties, I have (had) a full view of her flat stomach and her skinny little legs and best of all her little budding breast. Then instead of putting on cloths (clothes) right away she starts to hold a conversation with my sist |
| 2007-03-08 01:27:33 | Overnight Sleepover | You also wrote what is called a set-up sentence below. A real writer does not write setup sentences. Also it should be, “she is only sporting (an) A cup, not a A cup.” Never begin a sentence with the word “Anyways, actually there is no word “Anyways”, it is anyway and you still don’t begin a sentence with it. “My name is Brian, I am 17 years old, 6 feet tall, with a decent body, not built but not fat. Anyways this story is about Taylor my little sisters friend. Taylor is 12years old, she has long brunette hair, she is about 4’7 with a perfect tight little body, attached with a great little butt. She has just started to bud little breast that she proudly displays with her low cut tops, even though she is only sporting a A cup.” |
| 2007-03-08 01:32:45 | Overnight Sleepover | Your story is just ok. However you should watch your spelling and grammar. If you don’t have Microsoft Word, you should get it. The word clothes is spelled with an e, not cloths. You are also letting your paragraphs get away from you. Readers sometimes have problems without breaks. You wrote, “it reminded me of what had just took place on my bed.” It should have been, “it reminded me of what had just taken place on my bed.” |
| 2007-03-08 01:39:27 | Overnight Sleepover | Brian, if that is your name, please keep in mind that it is legal to write fiction about people under eighteen being sexually active, but only if it is fiction. If it actually occurred it is against the law, as it is Child Porn. You don’t actually give your age, but from your writing, you seem about fifteen. Also keep in mind that the people reading your stuff, like it as it is a story about your sister and her girlfriend. |
| 2007-03-12 05:37:49 | Overnight Sleepover | SHIT FUCCKING STORY DONT READ ITS GAY SHIT PORN - RAPE AND BONDAGE |