| 2007-07-06 19:16:18 |
Blood & Lust
|
all right you listen to me and you will make this story go places okay? take out the first person view and add more detail during the sex scenes and u will have a 10/10. |
| 2007-07-16 02:25:56 |
Blood & Lust
|
Good story... I can see all the actors that you put up there playing those parts... Like everyone else i thought it was a little confusing how you were jumping back and forth between third and first person... Add a little more detail in the sex scenes that you got here, edit it, and choose between third and first person and this will be a 10/10... Right now I'd give it a generous 7/10 |
| 2007-08-09 23:01:03 |
Blood & Lust
|
suuuuuuuuux |
| 2007-09-21 06:32:24 |
Blood & Lust
|
this would be a great story if it didnt jump back and forth from first to third person. if your going to change which character the story is veiwed by, make sure readers can figure out that its a different character |
| 2007-11-10 11:16:24 |
Blood & Lust
|
very nice and awsome story |