| 2007-11-24 16:35:30 |
No one underfoot.
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Let me start by saying that you did a very good job. The mispellings were forgivable, and when your reading a story that is not what you should be focusing on. Having said that, I have a few suggestions. The story line was vague and frankly, unbelievable. I understand that you were trying to make a shorter story, and therefore had to focus on the actual sex, but I doubt many people mind reading 300 words more if its a superior story. The actions was good, but again, pay more attention to details, and make a longer story. I would also be awesome to add a bit on comic releif, do something funny w/ the wife calling in the middle of the fuck or something. Check out my sister,,,the bitch. This is by far the best story on the site, w/ some work, you could do better. Nice story. Keep writing 8/10 |