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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2004-07-26 21:04:04 | Aunt Beth | i thought it was okay but needs more detail and thought put into it, it was a good first attempt |
| 2004-07-27 21:52:54 | Aunt Beth | i never knew someone could last so short and cum so many times in one time frame And still be horny |
| 2004-08-04 07:56:33 | Aunt Beth | RAPE MAN YOU ARE LUCKY but in the next story do the sleeping bag again but do this have them in the sleeping bag and cous rachael and keith having a hardcore intercourse but are sleeping and keith keeps his dick in the pussy all night till next morning. |
| 2004-08-04 14:03:28 | Aunt Beth | First - try and work on the grammar. It's always a tough thing to get right, the easiest way to make a huge improvement is find another writer and swap stories to look them over. Second - slow the pace down a little. The pace of the story went pretty much like a real 15 y/o would fuck, it blew it's load almost right away and left you waiting for more. Particularly if you're going to include a rape scene. Third - themes: rape isn't a bad theme to explore in a story, but if you're going to include it, show it for what it is: one individual having power over another. Your rape scene just became a family fuckfest, which made the rape aspect kind of worthless. Just some thoughts. Let your imagination run wild for ideas, then rein them in for an awesome story. |
| 2004-08-04 22:49:53 | Aunt Beth | Story was alright, more detail and dont let the climax come so soon build the story up man, but i still jerked to it so its ok |