| 2004-07-24 10:59:23 |
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Anytime anyone talks about cherry-popping, which this is, the actual initial penetration should not be glossed over. It should be described in excrutiating and exquisite detail. The lack of detail in stories is always a dead giveaway that the author lacks sufficient personal experience. This always detracts from the intended effect. Don't be afraid to add some quirky details even if you don't have the experience. When it comes to porn writing details equals believability. Overall the story was reasonably cumworthy although, due to its short length, it is probable that only the younger readers could release a wad. Make it a bit longer by fleshing it out with more details. The total lack of reluctance on the part of the daughter is very unusual.You have potential. Please write some more. |