| 2006-08-05 14:31:44 |
Baby-sitter and Teenager
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I agree with Adam down there. Use more pronouns, and that doesn't mean just throw a bunch in like you did in the closing lines of the story. We don't need to hear a name every other word to know who your talking about. Also, every sentence doesn't have to be the next line of action. It's ok to linger on certain actoins and just give more detail. Now the reverse is true as well, we don't need to hear about EVERYTHING that took place during the night. Instead of describing every action necessary to get the pizza, you could have just said "The pizza arrived" and we, the readers would have understand what that implied. Don't get so wrapped up in the unimportant details, instead spend more time making the sex scene flow better. |