sexstories.com
Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2004-02-26 19:45:43 | Boys Locker Room Rewrite | Great story, needs editing, I have no quarrel with your content, the guy is not a nice guy after all. You should separate your dialog for each character into separate paragraphs, as well aa the narritve sections. It will make the action more clear. Also I would quote the dialog and puncutate to add pauses and emphasis. Only improvement I think you might make is to indicate the tone and expresssion of the guy he speaks. Maybe for the girl a bit more too. She seems to have not too much reacion here. and you might have an internal dialog of her conflicted feelings as the action progresses. Nice story bacicly, Keep it up. |
| 2004-03-25 17:49:05 | Boys Locker Room Rewrite | Id say it was better than the last one |
| 2004-03-30 12:24:23 | Boys Locker Room Rewrite | Good story but like asia said needs to be structed better. As to those who say it is child molesting wake up the girl is 18 that makes her an adult. |
| 2004-04-08 01:40:35 | Boys Locker Room Rewrite | I love this story. It needs editing but it is hott. The girl needs to get into it more |
| 2004-04-16 19:42:04 | Boys Locker Room Rewrite | no great story. dont change a thing. it could use a sequal though! |