| 2006-01-17 03:49:01 |
Hotel Part 1 - Under The Table
|
Nice technique of multiple POVs. Gets everyone's filthy thoughts into the story nicely. |
| 2006-01-17 10:53:18 |
Hotel Part 1 - Under The Table
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i give it a 5. normal sotry with no events. Susie's thoughts and reactions are extremely lame. need improvment |
| 2006-01-17 10:58:15 |
Hotel Part 1 - Under The Table
|
great techinique and hot discription. You have the art of a filthy mind - that can be transposed through writing- not as common as you think and usually done poorly - so well done |
| 2006-01-17 16:30:24 |
Hotel Part 1 - Under The Table
|
this story came across to me as too sparatic.. should have stuck with a point of view from one person. i give this story a 3/10 learn to neaten up your sentences with things that can make sense instead of "I look at the pretty waitress" how about I saw the pretty waitress. grammer is an amazing thing and can be the difference between a 8/10 and a 3/10. grammer was poor throughout the story (sentance structure) plus as i said stick to one point of view none of that flip-flop crap... again i give this a 3/10 |
| 2006-01-18 22:14:07 |
Hotel Part 1 - Under The Table
|
mak a me cum |