| 2008-01-30 00:24:30 |
teen vampires undead and horney
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Ok, I have to be brutally honest. I've read several other stories, and many much worse than this, The concept, and idea were really good, but just intensely lacking. I was like I was reading a 5th grader's story, with all the horrible grammer, and random switching. And yes, as some do not agree with me, grammer most definately counts. You may say " If you understanded me, then don't bitch" But I didn't understand you. For one, she wasn't pregnant as one of your tags said. In mid sentence, you'd switch from one idea to another, as I said an elementary student may do, and the thoughts were never complete. It was as if you hastely threw down your ideas without connecting them, which to me is a huge mistake when writing, and such a huge mistake that the obviousness of this flaw is uncomparable |