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Comments from READER
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2007-06-12 10:35:50 | my sister the bitch part 2 | Hello! Good Site! Thanks you! zuowmonwjqdtdx |
| 2007-07-04 11:46:54 | my sister the bitch part 2 | well it wasnt that band better if u made it longer |
| 2007-09-18 20:41:58 | my sister the bitch part 2 | I don't want to be mean or anything, heres a short list of a few of the problems that i saw 1) Punctuation is very important in a story. "the night had only grown to dusk when robbie and sarah and dani were all downstairs sitting in the kitchen ." doesn't really cut it. 2) You should indent more , to make it an easier read. 3) When you write about people, they can't just be completely and immediately ready to have sex, because people in real life will have inhibitions. 4) Your story should be chronological... giving the character's discription mid scene is not very smooth. That's why we make stories chronological, to be smooth. 5) If your unsure of a word, then use a dictionary or thesaurus to find the owrds. I have a build in dictionary in my computer and it takes me seconds to find a word that I'm unsure of. spell it every phonetic way possible if it doesn't come up. Even if your stuck on a simple word like obviouse (obvious), just look it up to be sure. 6) Don't contradict yourself. "joe moaning and grunting was lound enough to drown out the sound of the doorbell ringing as the pizza was arriving. " get off my cock and answer the door slave " barked robbie" Say almost loud enough. 7) Different words have different degrees. When you shouldn't have used "puzzled" to describe Jennifer when she came upon the scene. She would have been "utterly bewildered" or "at a lost for words" I'm not going to spend any more time than I have. I don't know if you know anyone who you could show your work to beforehand, but peer edditing is priceless. - rabbitspeedtonight |
| 2007-11-18 19:22:56 | my sister the bitch part 2 | No offense to this writer or hornycock1983, but I have taken it upon myself to continue this story since the original writer has decided not to. But when I saw this version and hornycock's, I decided against it. Although, if the public would demand a better continuation (one to do the original justice as it's been put) then I'll be happy to finish the chapter I've been working on and post it before Christmas. -DoomMage |
| 2008-01-04 23:22:29 | my sister the bitch part 2 | OMG! u totally destroyed this story! this was a good story that had real emotion and believable characters and you killed it. |