| 2008-01-10 15:42:33 |
Jayne the Genie (2)
|
Great story please wright and submit the third one soon. That story got me so wet. Just a thought why don't you get Jay to dominate chris and use the strap on, on him. Just a thought |
| 2008-01-10 16:18:38 |
Jayne the Genie (2)
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I liked this on and the last one, nice going. 10/10 |
| 2008-01-10 17:46:52 |
Jayne the Genie (2)
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I think the plot overall is brilliant make it a story though not just a porno |
| 2008-01-10 17:54:22 |
Jayne the Genie (2)
|
Great story...personally, i like the magic. i'd say to expand upon the story some and make the sex more of a part of the story, rather than being basically the only thing in the story. that's not to say you should ease up on the sex, only maybe a little more plot along with it. as far as plot, maybe have them travel somewhere and jay challenge chis to pick up a girl on his own, without the magic but with the confidence he's gained from her. another idea would be to write from jay's perspective...just a couple of suggestions. 10/10 (which is rare coming from me. |
| 2008-01-10 21:35:01 |
Jayne the Genie (2)
|
you have amazing talent man. please another part...its not only the sex that interests me, just the way you blend everything together, flows well. keep writing! |