| 2004-11-09 09:15:41 |
Hallpass Part 1
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mmm, that was good.... better be a part 2 ;) |
| 2004-11-09 15:54:49 |
Hallpass Part 1
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deff need a part to very soon |
| 2004-11-10 14:38:05 |
Hallpass Part 1
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That was a preety good story i mean not good god but good. |
| 2004-11-10 20:05:38 |
Hallpass Part 1
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awesome story. there are some errors, but they're tolerable. u shud go for part two. |
| 2004-11-10 22:01:22 |
Hallpass Part 1
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That was Ok but you need to build up the storyline a bit and not jump straight in to it, and when you type it use spellcheck becuase a couple of errors in a hot part of the story can really ruin it. Being the only comment on here that is constructive you should probably take note. Id rate it a 6/10 but you have promise. try reading other stories on this site for some ideas on building your storyline. |