| 2007-04-26 19:31:02 |
Timewalker pt 1b
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You almost lost me when Bela asked Jake to piss on her. But I knew you would have an interesting twist in there somewhere when jake got pissed off at her for asking. I'm going to start the next story tonight. Keep it up man. 10/10 |
| 2005-03-16 15:56:28 |
Roses For You, Ms....
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tepid, boring, only will appeal to the most sappy of females. what clutter. 1/10. |
| 2005-03-16 19:24:24 |
Roses For You, Ms....
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my opinion is that you should not use passive sentences. Passive sentences are for pussy whipped submissive spineless creatures. At least that is how most envision the writer using so many passive sentences- me especially. I would not think there is one woman in 100,000 that would find this erotic if they found it at their desk. They would likely try and determine who the proper authority to turn this into would be and make sure their womanhood was safe by having them walked to their car each night by a real man. Nothing against you personally but do not write passively! pinching the nipple thereof.... YIKES after 20 minutes or so Yikes... manhood... womanhood... double yikes... and lose the elipses, I know you don't want to hear about punctuation, but to write well you must use it right. |
| 2005-03-16 20:46:49 |
Roses For You, Ms....
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Thank you both for your opinions. However, i must say that i warned in the beginning that this story was only for women. every woman tat has read the original copy or this revised copy has liked it. I'm sorry I do not appeal to your horny eroticism tastes. But I am a romantic, not a sex fiend. |
| 2005-03-21 15:55:02 |
Roses For You, Ms....
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Romantic? but most that read here seek a warmer romantic.. your time frames of an hour at this and an hour or two at this.. is not real. I read at first expecting two females.. But that did not even fit there. What ever you method of reaching a goal, the goal seems to be the same. you are just slow.. Romance like the tide, has to have it's up and downs. Steady for an hour or two not in my years of experience. |