| 2006-10-20 12:26:50 |
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Great job, especially for your first effort, baller.
You might try to flesh the story out a little more, let the suspense build. I have the same problem -- when I go back and read them, they seem way too short and abrupt. Also, when you do dialogue, I think it works better when you don't have two people speaking in the same paragraph.
But sweetie, it got me wet, and that's the main thing. |