| 2004-07-14 18:17:37 |
The Camp Nurse_(1)
|
Man, do I wish I was in his spot! All that pussy, and all so young!! One of the best stories I have ever read, but a little long, and you should of tryed to use paragraphs. |
| 2004-07-14 22:41:53 |
The Camp Nurse_(1)
|
realy good but a little long you should write more maybe publish or some shit like that |
| 2004-07-14 23:46:08 |
The Camp Nurse_(1)
|
excelent stoy!! add a few more chapters, a conclusion to the janet and chris plotline , finish up the camp year and bam!!! an instant hit. seriously, think about getting this story published. |
| 2004-07-15 00:06:44 |
The Camp Nurse_(1)
|
TOO LONG |
| 2004-07-15 02:59:49 |
The Camp Nurse_(1)
|
You lost me in the dispensery. You need to discover what paragraphs are, as far as i could tell the story has only one--and it is fuckin too long! Also, DO NOT tell the reader the story takes a long time to take off. In truth it does but it is a total turn off to readers. Get some grammatical help, then try to publish it--it is too long to work here. Hope the comments help. |