| 2004-12-11 20:14:43 |
Welcome back Brother
|
that sucked really bad i can write better storys |
| 2004-12-12 01:43:46 |
Welcome back Brother
|
How high did you get in school...third floor? |
| 2004-12-12 08:48:02 |
Welcome back Brother
|
GREAT STORY LINE!!!....well heres the scoop ... should have proffed it once or twice . Read it once and you will easily see all of what is being critiqued here . last ( why nobody caught this I don't know ) in the end of this story you crammed the experience into a 1 minute fire drill. It didn't balance the flow of the story . It was as if you were in a hurry to end the story. But as you can see obviously everybody has takin the time to read what appeared to be a very detailed well thought out story line. I hope you keep posting. Writing more can only make you better . ;-) Have a good month and Merry Christmas to everybody!! |
| 2004-12-12 21:35:17 |
Welcome back Brother
|
Your grammer and spelling need a lot of work. But otherwise it was a good storyline |
| 2004-12-13 14:51:45 |
Welcome back Brother
|
not bad i think it was a great story i think you should write more |