| 2004-09-30 11:22:23 |
Episode I: Of the Adventures of John and Holly
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I think the story, while excellent, should be put back in separate chapters. I really enjoyed the action: if i'd been jacking off, I'd probably cum about 20 times. Loved the story and gave it a 9. |
| 2004-09-30 14:09:15 |
Episode I: Of the Adventures of John and Holly
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i dont care if its long because it was the best story ive read all the people who dont like it are asswipe make part 2 pronto |
| 2004-10-01 11:13:11 |
Episode I: Of the Adventures of John and Holly
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Good concept, but I'd say the "so this is a penis?" thing got really old really fast. I mean, come on. If we take it literally, everyone knows what a penis is, and what it should look like--we learn that in, what, 4th grade? Secondly, even if they've never seen one before, I don't think they'd necessarily talk about it every chance they got. Still, that's a pretty minor comment. Good job. |
| 2004-10-01 14:10:32 |
Episode I: Of the Adventures of John and Holly
|
Well that part is supposed to be comical. It is hard to write and say what their tone is exactly. If i made the stories as clear as they are in my head, you would know that they are joking around, as they do alot in the whole episode. |
| 2004-10-01 21:53:29 |
Episode I: Of the Adventures of John and Holly
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the episode is too long, you should keep the parts instead man |